Nancy Travers

Caring for the Caregiver: How to Ask for Help



Posted: Monday, November 09, 2009

by
Nancy's Counseling Corner

If you are caring for your elderly parents or your elderly spouse, you may be headed for depression or a host of other stress-related problems if you don't take adequate care of yourself. Many caregivers fall ill to viruses and other infections and also have elevated blood levels that may lead to chronic inflammations. "Eighty percent of the long-term care in the country is done by friends and family; we are the care system," says Suzanne Mintz, president and cofounder of the National Family Caregivers Association. Overtasked caregivers often give up vacations, job transfers, hobbies, friends and their own savings for the elderly person who needs their care.

If you do take care of yourself, you'll be in a much better position to take care of your elderly loved one. But many caregivers don't ask for help because they feel that it's their duty to care or that no one else can do as good a job as they can.

Here are a few tips for giving care to the caregiver:

Find the caregiver a buddy who has gone through a similar journey. The caregiver is more likely to open up to this person.

Praise the caregiver and tell him/her what a good job they're doing. Then be patient and ask a health practitioner for any help.

Offer to help, no matter how small the task. Help with paperwork, help clip coupons, mow the lawn, decorate for Halloween or Christmas, wrap gifts, send cards or lend a hand with cooking tasks.

Suggest that the caregiver should hire an in-home aide for three hours a day, once a week. Caregivers need to make sure they are taking care of their backs (from the heavy lifting and carrying), and having an aide will help alleviate some of this extra physical stress.

Spend time with the caregiver to listen and see how she or he has been neglecting herself. Are they telling you they would like to go to the gym and can't and as a result, have gained too much weight? Are they telling you that they miss their friends and their former activities?

Take matters into your own hands by scheduling health checkups such as a mammogram or colonoscopy if the caregiver tells you that they don't have time for these appointments. Volunteer to drive them to the doctor's office and arrange for care for the elderly loved one.

And for the caregivers themselves, they should ask for specific help when they feel overwhelmed and know that asking for help is a show of strength, not weakness. Help can come in the form of neighbors, friends, loved ones' fraternal/alumni organizations, the local Center on Aging, community transportation services, and many more.

Nancy Travers, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, specializes in all types of relationships; dating, existing relationships, family relationships, and relationships with friends and business relationships. She also helps her clients overcome anxiety and depression through talk therapy as well as through hypnosis. What sets her apart from many other counselors is that she has counseled in the gay/lesbian community for over 10 years. She also has experience counseling families with elder care issues. Nancy has been in practice for over 19 years and can provide you with the tools you need to approach dating and relationships with confidence.

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