Is Cheating on Facebook Still Cheating?
Posted: Sunday, January 24, 2010
by Nancy Travers
Nancy's Counseling Corner
It used to be that cheating on your spouse meant engaging in physical activity with another person. But now cheating can be defined by engaging in emotionally-charged wall posts and instant messages with old flames or new interests via Facebook. These cyber endeavors can take you away from your spouse emotionally and they are just as dangerous to a marriage as a physical affair.
Yes, Facebook does give a potential cheater the opportunity to look up old boyfriends and girlfriends with the search tool. Friending people is so easy, low risk and doesn't require a long message or a reason why (of course, you can add a personal message on your friend request, but most people don't). Facebook also promotes intimacy, casual attitudes and flirtation. When the potential cheater and the ex are connected, they'll probably peep at each other's profile pages and photos, and then start chatting based on what they have learned about their new friend. At this point, they are doing what social networking is supposed to do: To facilitate connections with people who have common interests who want to create community.
However, the potential cheaters may take the networking and the sharing a little too far with sexually-charged private messages and chats. The potential cheater may now start feeling guilty when his or her spouse crosses into her computer space. When the spouse questions how much time she is spending online, she may tell him that she's merely "catching up" with old friends.
Who is vulnerable to Facebook cheating?
People who are in or who have
- marriages where communication is not at the forefront and they feel they are being taken for granted
- spouses who are bored at work or with each other
- stressful jobs so Facebook seems like a good stress reliever
- unrequited love from their youth
Not everyone out there is ready to cheat on their spouse or long-time partner, but Facebook does make it easier to do so and it does facilitate online affairs. By knowing this, we should be more wary about doing the appropriate thing and respecting our partners. If we feel that we are stepping out of line and telling an old friend on Facebook more about our life and problems than we would our spouse, we should catch ourselves early. If we don't, the consequence is communication breakdowns, distance, distrust and perhaps divorce.
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)I think cheating is relative to the parties concerned. I do believe that since relationships run much deeper than physical, cheating can be narrowed down even further.Great article, thank you!
HI BobbyThank you for your comment, it is appreciated. I am glad you enjoyed the article. Have a great SundayThanks Nancy
HI VeronicaThank you for feedback, it is appreciated. I think you bring up a good point and illustrate putting yourself in the other person shoes.thanks for sharingNancy
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