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How to Deal with Energy Vampires

Posted: Wednesday, December 22, 2010

by Nancy Travers
Nancy's Counseling Corner

An “energy vampire” is a term used to describe a person who consumes and drains positive energy for her own use. Energy vampires cause everyone else to feel empty and sluggish. Energy vampires are difficult to pick out of a crowd. They can be loud and antagonistic, quiet and demure, charismatic and alluring, aggressive and pompous, or any combination therein. Energy vampires have voids that they need to fill, but it's up to you to stop them from sucking your positive energy.

First, identify the energy vampires in your life. Watch out for people who:

infringe on your life and disregard your boundaries and privacy.
make “mountains out of mole hills.” Energy vampires are frequently "drama queens."
complain incessantly (about their significant others, jobs, kids, misfortune, and ailments)
criticize your appearance, job, family, friends, and even pets
don't consider your needs; it’s all about them
consume your positive energy while encouraging you to be negative, too
blame everyone else for their problems

Most energy vampires, however, are well-meaning, normal people. They seem less scary than “real” vampires. Don’t let them fool you. They may display many similar qualities of their horror-film equivalents:

scowling, unhappy faces.
a need for companionship, from which to feed off.
depleted and/or noxious energy of their own.
behaviors as listed above

Energy vampires have enormous emotional needs and no boundaries. The clearest sign that you’re around an energy vampire is how they make you feel when they’re near: when YOU frequently feel tired or depressed after being in a friend’s company, they may be an energy vampire. They seldom give, but frequently take. However it’s never quite enough, leaving their victims thoroughly drained. Often, they have reduced or non-existent boundaries and they expect the same from others.

Energy vampire antidotes:

Set limits on your time spent with energy vampires. This may necessitate ending some relationships (friendships) and seeking counseling for others (family, spouse). Cut conversations and encounters short. Assert your needs and feelings, and if necessary, walk away.
Avoid trying to rescue an energy vampire or fix their problems. This is one way they ensnare their victims.
Attempt to stay detached from energy vampires’ drama, criticisms, depression or self pity. You are not responsible for their emotions.
Avoid eye contact, if possible. Much like traditional vampires, if you invite them in, it’s all over.
Avoid enclosed spaces like cars or elevators.
Meet in group settings where there is a lot of energy floating around. There is safety in numbers.
Set and protect your personal boundaries. Clarify and enforce them. Energy vampires avoid preying on the strong and the positive.
Remain positive in the face of an energy vampire.
Employ humor, authenticity and, if needed, a change of subject to circumvent energy vampires’ conversations that may exhaust you.
Pursue relationships and events which safeguard and nurture your positive energy to offset their negative energy

If all your attempts to minimize the vampires’ effects fail, the next step is to cut them out of your life. This may appear to be extreme, but it is important. “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn. Energy vampires can prevent you from reaching your greatest potential since they’re consuming your energy. Also, if you’re always spending time with energy vampires, you’re more likely to become one yourself.

Nancy Travers, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, specializes in all types of relationships; dating, existing relationships, family relationships, and relationships with friends and business relationships. She also helps her clients overcome anxiety and depression through talk therapy as well as through hypnosis. What sets her apart from many other counselors is that she has counseled in the gay/lesbian community for over 10 years. She also has experience counseling families with elder care issues. Nancy has been in practice for over 19 years and can provide you with the tools you need to approach dating and relationships with confidence.

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